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Saul Bollox 5:28 Sun Feb 7
What is the loudest and most embarassing fart you have ever done or witnessed?

I was coming out of a West End theatre with mine some of my wife's family when I let one go which I'm sure could have been hear 100 yards away.

The Joker 8:16 Tue Feb 9
Re: What is the loudest and most embarassing fart you have ever done or witnessed?

Wasn't it her turn?

Fortunes Hiding 7:42 Tue Feb 9
Re: What is the loudest and most embarassing fart you have ever done or witnessed?

Step daughter farted in front of me last week.



Disgusting.

lowlife 7:30 Tue Feb 9
Re: What is the loudest and most embarassing fart you have ever done or witnessed?

Joey

Simple, both the traps were in use. I didn't fancy barging into the Ladies and letting loose.

I therefore took the 'easy' alternative rather than wait around or risk some sort of female toilet meltdown.

norwichhammer 6:04 Tue Feb 9
Re: What is the loudest and most embarassing fart you have ever done or witnessed?

Mine was 35,000 feet up after a long booze fuelled weekend in Amsterdam. I didn't have a shit for 4 days not to sure why. anyway on the flight back about 10 minutes into the journey I needed a fart thinking it was going to be safe, obviously it was the complete opposite it was only a small plane and had everyone gagging.

I love a good fart they always make me chuckle so while everyone was gasping for fresh air I was pissing myself obviously let on it was me was funny but embarrassing at he same time

Eggbert Nobacon 4:13 Tue Feb 9
Re: What is the loudest and most embarassing fart you have ever done or witnessed?

that confused me too joey!

Helmut Shown 4:05 Tue Feb 9
Re: What is the loudest and most embarassing fart you have ever done or witnessed?

I was in a hotel in Madeira catching some sun on a sun bed. My Mrs said we had to go as we were going out so I got up quickly and let a 6.3 on the Richter scale go. It was like time stood still as the whole of the place fell silent apart from my sister in law wetting herself laughing. I then sat down again to put on my flip flops and as I got up again repeated the performance. I had to hurry away shame faced

Bungo 10:59 Tue Feb 9
Re: What is the loudest and most embarassing fart you have ever done or witnessed?

Prize for best timing I think had to go to a very elderly neighbour of my wife's parents at our wedding back in the mid nineties.

She was there with her husband, both incredibly old, quite posh and called (I shit you not), Ken and Bunty.

Anyway, half way through the actual wedding ceremony bit, a fart was clearly heard, followed by a reproachful 'Ken!' as she blamed it on her poor husband.

Best thing is it is preserved for posterity on the wedding video where it is clearly audible along with her exclamation.

Top work Bunty!

joey5000 10:38 Tue Feb 9
Re: What is the loudest and most embarassing fart you have ever done or witnessed?

lowlife 10:26 Mon Feb 8
Re: What is the loudest and most embarassing fart you have ever done or witnessed?

If you were in a loo having your fart competition, why didn't you just have a shit in there, rather than running home?

Trevor B 10:14 Tue Feb 9
Re: What is the loudest and most embarassing fart you have ever done or witnessed?

Was at my Uncle's wake, sitting between my Mum and my Aunt. Was holding in a fart as I didn't want to me rude and leave mid conversation. Someone walked past with some flowers, I sneezed, automatically let accidental rip. It stank too. Mum was horrified, as was I.....my Aunt chuckled and said it was like my Uncle after a night on the McEwans.

worm 9:57 Tue Feb 9
Re: What is the loudest and most embarassing fart you have ever done or witnessed?

I'm sure I've told this one before but I'll tell it again..

Myself and Mrs worm had known each other just a few weeks. This particular weekend we were spending at her place.
I woke up and let one go, thinking she was still asleep. She knocks one out that in decibel level absolutely blew mine out of the water. She didn't even open her eyes, just started grinning.

I wasn't being out-farted by a girl so claimed the win as mine has a better odour to it.
Farts go back and forward between us for a few mins until she accepts defeat graciously.
I triumphantly wander off to the shower.

The walls were paper thin in that place, and along with the fantastic acoustics of the bathroom a fart could be heard for miles.
I felt one brewing and thought I'd mnake an extra effort to maximise the decibels.
Duly followed through and splattered the bath.

I'm franticly trying to wash the shit down the plug hole when I her her approaching the door, which I lock.
It goes quiet outside so I continue with operation clean up.
She comes back with a knife and opens the door. Door flys open and she starts to clamber in the shower with me.

"Don't get in"

"It fucking stinks in here"

I point downwards. She looks. She runs off pissing herself.

And she didn't dump me. :)

claret on my shirt 11:00 Mon Feb 8
Re: What is the loudest and most embarassing fart you have ever done or witnessed?

Always proud of my farts :)

lowlife 10:26 Mon Feb 8
Re: What is the loudest and most embarassing fart you have ever done or witnessed?

I was on a skiing holiday many years ago. I was in the loo of a nightclub and decided to challenge some Danish guy to a farting competition. He obliged and let out a decent fart. I absolutely let rip, to which he nodded and said 'that's a winner'.

I was all pleased with myself until I realised I'd followed through a little. I think he could tell by the look on my face, he said 'whoops' (or similar) and made a hasty retreat.

I quickly waddled back into the club, made my excuses with my mates (said I had a contact lens problem) and tried to run back to the apartment. Blind panic had set in and every time I got to a corner I slipped on the ice and let out a little fart, each one moving me closer to shitting my pants.

I just about made it back to the apartment, opened the toilet door and sat down. The only slight problem was that I'd sprayed a little down the wall in the toilet - I'd mistimed lifting the seat and dropping my jeans.

Can't think of many more embarrassing than that.

Jim C 10:12 Mon Feb 8
Re: What is the loudest and most embarassing fart you have ever done or witnessed?

In my 20's I was at a house party that went on very late into the night and early into the next morning.

After finding somewhere to have a few hours shut eye before the walk home I crashed out on the floor. When I woke I really needed to let one go, I looked around and saw everyone else in the room was still asleep.

It woke everyone up including my mate who shouted "What the fuck was that" .

diehardhammer 9:39 Mon Feb 8
Re: What is the loudest and most embarassing fart you have ever done or witnessed?

hahahaha farts are never not funny

loved reading some of these

Aalborg Hammer 7:59 Mon Feb 8
Re: What is the loudest and most embarassing fart you have ever done or witnessed?

I was on the Isle of Man Mountain railway on a particularly warm and wet summer's day during TT week...all the windows closed and I let a real rip-snorter go...I didn't think it was going to be as loud and as smelly as it was ..if looks could kill

Hammer and Pickle 7:38 Mon Feb 8
Re: What is the loudest and most embarassing fart you have ever done or witnessed?

Just don't let on I said anything please.

chim chim cha boo 7:34 Mon Feb 8
Re: What is the loudest and most embarassing fart you have ever done or witnessed?

She's murder H&P. Don't let meeting her fool you.

The problem with women is they look and smell nice but they're FULL of germs.

yngwies Cat 7:34 Mon Feb 8
Re: What is the loudest and most embarassing fart you have ever done or witnessed?

When was knighted. Sorry Mam, I was so nervous

Hammer and Pickle 7:30 Mon Feb 8
Re: What is the loudest and most embarassing fart you have ever done or witnessed?

It's called fart-framing and they all do it, though yours seems a compulsive, chim.

chim chim cha boo 7:21 Mon Feb 8
Re: What is the loudest and most embarassing fart you have ever done or witnessed?

My missus is a thin, demure thing who wears posh clothes and I look like an East End murderer who nicked a load of random clobber off a clothes-line while absconding from prison.

Her favourite, favourite thing is to let off a noisy fart while we're walking behind people then looking at me in mock disgust when the people turn round to see where the fart came from.

I happen to have a heightened sense of embarrassment which of course makes her little 'joke' even more hilarious (to her). I doubt she's done this above a hundred times in the many years I've known her and she still finds it as funny as the first time she did it.

Honest Hammer 6:40 Mon Feb 8
Re: What is the loudest and most embarassing fart you have ever done or witnessed?

Embarressed by a fart?

Never.

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